Waiting for day 1

Living life according to my menstrual cycle is not exclusive to the lesbian fertility experience (or my lesbian fertility experience, since I don't speak for all).  The difference is that we don't go to the clinic because we are experiencing infertility; rather, we go because we are ready to start trying.  My partner and I are feeling a bit cocky (forgive the pun) and I can feel us planning for when I'm pregnant, and for when we have a second child, etc., with blind optimism that this will happen for us and happen quickly.

The first time I was ever inseminated was July 2007.  During our visits that month for cycle monitoring we were almost giddy in the sombre waiting room at the clinic, and we tried to stifle it out of respect for the others.  I got pregnant on our first try and we were over the moon.  Then I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks - it was devastating.

We took time off and started up again in December and tried off an on four more times until May, when I got pregnant again and then had another early miscarriage.  While considering other treatment options (IVF) we tried one more time in July 2008, and that's when we made our son.  All told, it took us a year and by the end of it, we were no longer giddy and excited in the clinic waiting room.  It all feels like ancient history now, and we have our beautiful son now which makes all of that worth every heartbreaking second.   

The thing about living life in two-week cycles is that at the beginning of every month, there is hope.  Hoping for a baby is very emotional, and very all-consuming.  Indeed, this hope comes with some serious strings attached (like the crushing disappointment that may be soon to follow) but for now, hope is just hope and I'm enjoying it.

Must go take some vitamins...