i'm pregnant!

second beta today - 745 (day 15), up from 257 (day 13) - I can't believe it and am so excited. It's better than winning the lottery.

My partner and I compared this to the betas we had when I was first pregnant with my son and it's almost the same. I had 3 follicles so I am a little bit concerned about multiples, but this beta has alleviated some of that. Not that we wouldn't welcome twins if that's what we get, but it would be our preference to have an uncomplicated, low-risk pregnancy and birth and that's just not possible with multiples.

Anyway, for now, we're happy!!!! (And I'm hungry!)

In shock - beta is good!

As excited as I am to have positively peed on 4 sticks, (lines getting darker each time) I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have a lot of anxiety around my beta HCG test, because I've had low HCG before that ultimately resulted in miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. My HCG was 257 at 13dpiui - I was so excited! I looked up the levels I had when I was first pregnant with my son and on day 12 it was 159 and on day 14 it was 472, so I wanted to land somewhere in the middle and was so happy that I did.

I am feeling so relieved, and yet still so worried. The more I let myself believe that this might really happen, the more afraid I get of having my heart broken.

In the meantime, my boobs are sore and sensitive, and my uterus feels full. And I am so hungry all the time and I feel a bit tired in the aft and a lot tired in the evening. All great signs, but still. My fingers are crossed!

Getting my hopes up against my better judgment

So I peed on the stick yesterday morning (9 dpiui) and got a very faint line. I wasn't sure if it was the leftover trigger shot or not, so I peed on another stick last night and compared them. The stick last night had a very clear line almost right away.

For the first time since we started trying for this baby, I got excited!

This morning, I figured there was no point to peeing on another stick but now, I am second-guessing all of it. Do my boobs still hurt? Is the fullness in my uterus changing? So much doubt already. I think I will wait until tomorrow and pee on another stick, or possibly get a less sensitive test today and try that. My fear is that I will go for my beta and hear that the numbers are too low to be viable (I've had that twice). My beta isn't until Thursday and it's only Sunday!

The other concern is the possibility of more than one embryo. I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

I didn't sleep that well (woke up starving and couldn't get back to sleep) so I'm going to take a nap.

9 dpiui - A faint BFP!

I peed on a stick this morning and a very faint line showed up. (First Response '6 days earlier' Test) I know that it might be the HcG trigger, but to be honest, I've had 12 IUIs and have tested at 9 dpiui before, and there's never a line. (There was once, and I have a beautiful son to prove it!) I am trying not to get my hopes up, but what can I say - my hopes are UP.

My boobs are a little sensitive and swollen and I am breaking out like nobody's business. Of course, this could be PMS, but I'm also really weepy, which is more of a pregnancy thing than a PMS thing for me.

We shall see.

If you are reading this, please keep your fingers crossed for me.

8 dpiui - cycle 5 - patience is not my strong suit

Holy crap - could this 2ww take any longer?

I hate progesterone. I find the suppositories gross, and the hormones make me feel crazy. Of course if I needed them I would take them, but if I don't need them, I prefer to skip it. I had my first miscarriage while taking progesterone, so I don't see it as the security blanket that the clinic makes it out to be.

Normally I do natural IUIs (no drugs, sometimes with a trigger) so my RE said I do not need to take progesterone if I have only one or two follicles. This month was not a natural cycle and I triggered with 3 mature follicles, so we had a chat about progesterone. My suggestion was that I come in for a test and the doctor thought it was a great idea! It was kind of annoying to have YET ANOTHER visit to the clinic this month, but better than taking drugs that I don't need.

The good news was that my progesterone looked fine!

My boobs are hurting and my skin is totally broken out, but between the drugs, stress at work and my son waking up every night with a cough, there are a lot of reasons for why my skin is gross! I might test tomorrow, just for fun. We'll see.

Why do so many people keep asking me if we are going to have a second child??

4 dpiui - longest two week wait ever!

Even with all the hope that comes with springtime, and the lovely weather and great things happening in all areas of my life (except for the whole not getting pregnant thing), the two week wait takes forever.

It's been 4 days, which means I can test in 6, but I kind of dread testing because it's always negative, but I always think it's going to be positive, and then I feel stupid for getting my hopes up. And if that's not all annoying enough, THEN I GET MY PERIOD! It's really not fair. Why can't people trying to get pregnant just be exempt from menstruation?

The only nice thing about the 2ww is that I don't have to go to the doctors. EXCEPT I do, because I don't like doing progesterone suppositories (the progesterone makes me a bit moody, and I had my first miscarriage while taking them so that wasn't the problem) so I am going in for a blood test to check that my progesterone is not low. It will just be a fast blood test, but still. Annoying.

I got my visa bill today. The sperm, plus the drugs, plus the acupuncture - ouch! At least I get points of some sort for all of this crap.

I start a new job next week. It's terrible timing if I am pregnant, but I was recruited to this position without applying, and I wasn't in a position to say no because it's a great opportunity. This is the first month that it wouldn't be devastating not to get pregnant, so at least there's that.

Past my bedtime. Hope someone who reads this gets some good news soon!

1 dpiui

So after all kinds of ups and downs this cycle, me and my three follicles went for this month's insemination yesterday. My partner couldn't be there, but what can we do? This was my 12th IUI - as I said to her "I barely need to be there at this point!". Everything was smooth sailing.

I'm really mixed about this month. We are absolutely taking a month or two off after this, so I am already looking forward to that. In a strange turn of events, I have been promoted and will start my new job in a couple of weeks, so it's a bit stressful to think of starting a new job pregnant, and how I would handle that. Anyway, I'm trying to be positive: if the WORST thing that happens to me is that I get promoted AND pregnant, it's not such a bad set of "problems" to have.

I had another acupuncture appointment this evening and it always helps to centre me and to make me feel like it's really going to work.

This two week wait is going to be agonizing!

Day 16 - Thumbs up

All the drugs, my luck, and the acupuncture have all worked and this cycle is salvaged! Follicles were 1.8, 1.8 and 1.9, and my lining is up to 1 cm. Horray! I didn't surge on my own so only one IUI is needed (thank god - 2x sperm and sperm wash is about an extra $1,000) and maybe we really will make a baby this month!

Feeling hopeful and going to bed.

stuck

I am so confused! Yesterday my doctor wanted me to cancel my cycle and humoured me by letting me come in one more day before deciding for sure, and today, a different doctor said everything looks great. What? I feel like a pin cushion, and I am exhausted, but finally there is some hope.

Today my lining was over 8 and the follicles were 1.7 and 1.6 (on the right side) with a bunch of other smaller ones. I had my fourth menopur injection and I'm not crazy about them, but they seem to be doing the trick so I'm continuing to take them. If all goes well, I'll take the HCG trigger tomorrow and inseminate on thurs. It will be slightly complicated if I surge on my own before tomorrow, because we only have one straw of sperm and can't do two inseminations, but whatever. One is better than none!

I am so sleepy. I take my hat off to all the women who take these injectables all month, along with others. It's really, really exhausting. Hopefully it's for a good cause...fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Day 13

Today was not good. I was hoping that yesterday's improvements would continue but it appears that we have "stalled". The doctor said he doesn't like this cycle, but I wanted to try one more day to see if things restart and then decide tomorrow whether or not to cancel.

Anyone out there have a crystal ball?

Day 12

Whether it was the menopur, luck, or the acupuncture, or all three, my lining bounced back to just above 6mm since yesterday's 3.5 debacle. One more shot of menopur today for safe keeping. I can't remember how big the follicles were...there are only two left and they were 1.3 and 1.5.

Here's hoping that tomorrow my lining is above 7 and a follicle is at 1.8 and we can have the IUI with some shred of hope that it is going to work!

Today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday, and just for the record, it sucks that I have to spend both days on the weekend going to the clinic in the morning. My partner and son come too (she likes to be at every appointment and my son loves saying hi to everyone at the clinic) so it's not so bad, but it would be nice to just have nowhere to go once in a while.

I just want it to work.

Cycle 5, Day 11 - officially on drugs

I have the track marks, pill bottle, and now the injection. Am I a junkie or what?

After 4 natural cycles (trigger shot in 3 of them) I decided to go hard or go home. I thought a few tablets won't kill me, so what's the harm?

Day 3 I got my letrazole. I took 4 pills over 4 days and went to the doctor on day 7 to reveal 7 follicles! Since I don't want to be a TLC show, and I want a child not a litter, we agreed that I wouldn't take the last pill and we'd wait to see if/when the follicles started dying off.

I've read the blogs, and appreciate that too many follicles is not a terrible problem to have. But here's the thing: too many is just as bad as too few. It means the cycle will be cancelled, and no baby for me.

So I went on Day 9, and there were four follicles (thank god), lining was at 5, and things were looking good.

Then came day 11. There are still 4 follicles but my lining is 3.5! (Follicles are between 1.1 and 1.3) So in came the menopur shot.

I went to acupuncture that I would normally go to, and I'll go back tomorrow and hope that my estrogen and lining have bounced back.

Here's hoping day 12 is better than day 11.