So much for cycle 4

Four is my lucky number. This was my fourth cycle. (You see where I am going with this) Today I had a hat-trick of disappointment. The stick said "no", I had some spotting, and I had a blood test that was negative. Despite the firm clarity about the outcome of this cycle, I still feel twinges and tenderness that I'm sure are "signs".

In truth, all of this crazymaking are signs that I need to take a break. I started to see lines on the test that weren't there (I checked, and then checked again, and then took it out of the garbage to look at it in different light later in the day, etc), so then I switched to more expensive digital tests that I can't afford, and I feel signs and I convince myself and I google everything and after all of that, I'm not pregnant.

Not pregnant. "NO!" said the test. (There was no exclamation mark, but there may as well have been.)

One more month and then I'm taking a break. We might try some drugs soon because clearly, this ain't working.

Defeated Baby Mamma is going to bed.

day 11

Ok fine. The doctor I don't like was right and I was wrong. The good news is that I like surging on my own, so yesterday when I got the call at noon that I had surged I gave myself the trigger right away and the insemination was this morning. We only have one straw of sperm so today was the only shot. I feel good about it - I got pregnant with my son on a cycle where I surged on my own and did only one insemination. Let's call it an omen!

So the two week wait is on - but let's be honest here. It's a 10 day wait because I'll be peeing on the stick as soon as my eyes open on the first possible test day!

Acupuncture this month was day 6, 11 (IUI day) and 2dpIUI, to assist with implantation. Here's hoping!

another day, another appointment - day 9

We went in today and got the doctor that we do not really like and he had an intern of some sort with him whom I've never met. It was so uncomfortable. What the hell is up with that anyway? Generally, if you are going to be probing my ladyparts, I'd like to know your name. So rude.

Anyhow, follicle was 1.8 with lining at .8 and it was all ideal. The doctor tried to tell me to do the hcg injection and I was not in favour because I know my cycle and I think I won't surge for another couple of days. He argued with me and then I finally had him pull out some old charts to prove that I always ovulate around day 13. He was totally condescending and rude and annoying, but in the end, I said I wanted to wait another day and that was that.

I really think this month is going to work, but if not then we'll be taking a break for a few months. It's just too exhausting and this is four months in a row. So either way, we've got only a few more appointments and then a break!

Back tomorrow for day 10 and then likely insemination two days after that. Fingers and toes crossed...

cycle 4 - day 5

Went for day 3 and had a 1.1 follicle, so I have to go back at day 9 just in case. My lining was .3 which is normal for day 3. There was a weird pause while the doctor reviewed my results and compared them with previous cycles but I don't think it was anything.

This will be our last month for now. If I don't end up pregnant, we'll take a few months off just to rest and let our bank account recover a bit!

It's frustrating, but I'm hanging in.