Babies!

On Dec 3, at 5:45am, my water broke. Twin A was still breech when I got to the hospital, so at 8:58 my daughter was born by c-section, and a minute later came her brother. This may be my last entry, since clearly, we are no longer trying to conceive. Now, we are trying to get sleep!!!

36 weeks - contractions, cramps and c-sections

Babies are still breech so it's a definite c-section. Babies are over 6 1/2 pounds each, and I'm having contractions and cramps to suggest that I will have the babies sooner than later! My OB scheduled me for a c-section at 38 weeks but I can tell that my body is getting ready. Soon little babies - I can't wait to meet you!

turn baby turn - 34 weeks and still breech

So it's all about twin A. If twin A is head down, then I will not need a c-section. Since my 32 week ultrasound, twin B has turned but he has not left room for his sister to follow suit so while it is encouraging, it doesn't change my bottom line. Twin A has to turn!

Babies are well over 5 pounds, and I am so grateful to be this far. Even if they were born today, they would likely be totally fine. I am seriously uncomfortable, but hanging in ok. It's all for a great cause.

The countdown continues...

5 more weeks, at the most, holy $hi%!

It's hard to put into words how things are going these days. We have put everything we can into place, and now we are just hoping that babies stay in a little longer, and we are waiting to meet them! It's unbelievable. I can't wait!

I am cranky about people constantly saying stupid things to me about how we are going to be SO busy and SO tired etc. These babies are miracles, and no matter what, they will fill our lives with joy and happiness regardless of all of the work involved. We have a son already who has always given us way more than we could ever give to him.

I have a lot of aches and pains, but more than anything, I have a full heart.

I cannot wait to be a mother of 3.

30 1/2 weeks - The countdown is on

Something about passing the 30 week mark has made me feel like the countdown is really on. The babies are 3 pounds 10 oz each, and with every day I feel more and more confident that they will be ok. It's such a relief after so many weeks of worry that they might come too soon.

I feel like I am full-term and when I got to this point last time, I really was full term and within days delivered my son. This time it's not so simple. I still have up to 7 weeks left to go! I am grateful that the babies are safely inside, but man, this really does suck for me. Indigestion, aches, insomnia, fatigue - nothing totally crazy but a whole bunch of constant, annoying little ailments that make me feel like an old lady. I try to focus on the most important thing (healthy babies) but as things get harder and harder, it's hard not to feel a little bit sorry for myself.

I have reduced my hours at work and am now down to 3 days per week. It's going well, but even with the reduced work week I don't see myself going for too much longer. Every week it gets about 100% harder to do normal things like go to work. I am surprised and frustrated by how limited I am, but again, with my eye on the prize I don't want to take any chances.

Now, if only I can get the babies to flip so that I won't need a c-section.

28 1/2 weeks - It's been a BIG week

So d-day is less than 10 weeks away. In the past few months, we've moved our son into the room that we thought would be our guest room forever, we traded in the practical, fuel efficient car that we carefully chose when we had our first son (planning on 2 babies) for a minivan, and we've acquired a room full of carseats, bouncy chairs, basinettes, and baby clothes from friends and family who have been so generous. Just need some diapers and wipes, and we are all set for babies.

This past week (28 weeks) was really hard for me. This is the week when I really started to slow down. I can't do things that I used to do, and worst of all, I can't fully participate in my son's life in the way that I want to. That said, knowing a couple of people who both had twins at 27 weeks, I am very grateful to still have my babies inside of me - growing bigger and stronger. It's hard though.

I'm going part-time at work this week and will gradually reduce my work until I can't continue. I'm lucky to work in a place where I am accommodated, and do not take that for granted.

So I am lucky, I am frustrated, I am big, I am grateful, and I am getting my head around two babies coming into my family in the coming months.

It's been a big week!

26 weeks - Heartburn, backpain, and blessings

So I'm 26 weeks pregnant. Real babies in there. I have a long list of complaints/gripes about how I'm feeling but the bottom line is this. There are a lot of people who are delivering their baby/babies at 26 weeks right now who will spend the next 3 months visiting their baby/babies in the NICU. Back pain seems easier to bear. The other thing is that I have friends who are going through the unimaginable nightmare of losing their little girl to brain cancer. She was born on the same day as my son, and in June was given 3 months to live. It's a total nightmare.

So I have no complaints, and I have so much to be grateful for.

24 weeks - Talking carseats

I have insomnia. Well, it's not quite insomnia, but it is definitely a close cousin. I wake up at 4ish to pee, can't get back to sleep, then get hungry so I get a snack, and can't lie right back down because I'll get heartburn, so I have to stay up a bit and then I never go back to sleep. Good stuff.

I am not complaining, because I know that I am so lucky to be pregnant and to be having such a healthy twin pregnancy - but I'm tired. I'm really tired.

We got 2 carseats a few weeks ago from a friend. I have found that at 4:30am when I'm up and tired, they kind of mock me as if to say "you think you're tired now - just you wait!"...it's very intimidating.

This week as part of the twin preparation, we traded in our little car (bought when I was pregnant with our son 2 years ago) and got a minivan. At least I can just give up trying to be cool because that ship has clearly sailed!

I keep wishing and hoping for all of my friends who are undergoing fertility treatments. I feel so lucky to be on the other side of all of that. If anyone reading this has any luck, please leave a comment.

22 weeks - people stay stupid things to pregnant women

This week, I was visiting my partner's work and when this one woman saw me (she knows we are expecting twins) she said "I don't know whether to congratulate you or give you my condolences." I was torn because I thought of all kinds of witty/bitchy responses, but felt that I shouldn't say them because this was one of my partner's colleagues. I just said "this is definitely a happy thing" and really, REALLY bit my tongue.

So my question is, in what universe is that an acceptable thing to say to someone who is pregnant? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Here is what I wanted to say to her:

"Just because you can't handle your children, doesn't me that we won't be able to handle ours."
"The last time someone gave me condolences was at my mother's funeral, so let's go with congratulations."
"I think what you meant to say was 'how exciting!'"
"Aren't you supposed to be someone who knows the right things to say?" (she's a family consellor)
"That might be the most offensive thing that anyone has said to me this pregnancy!"

If anyone says anything inappropriate to you, please feel free to use one of these gems. I wish I would have.

19 weeks - halfway there!

I am so thrilled! I had my anatomy scan ultrasound this week and found out that we are having a boy and a girl. I really couldn't care less about the sexes, but it's cool to know and it makes it feel more real.

More importantly, the babies are fine and look great. I am feeling them wiggling around in there and it's starting to get more and more exciting.

Now, to find that minivan that we're going to need!...

17 weeks - Feeling great!

So I have a few friends who are also going through fertility treatments and none of them are having any luck. I am constantly reminded about how stressful the whole process is, and how lucky I am to (hopefully) be through that phase altogether. It's just so lonely, and I hope that anyone who reads this will find some comfort in seeing that a person CAN get pregnant on IUI #7, and then on IUI #5, even when their lining was crap at day 14. (twins no less!) I person can carry twins even when she's had two miscarriages in the past.

Fertility is chance, luck, and random. I remember asking my doctor after cycle 4 failed about drinking coffee and he just kind of laughed. One or two cups of coffee a day isn't really going to make that much of a difference. We all have to find that line between feeling that we've done all we can, and not feeling like we've given up everything while we're trying because it makes the whole process feel so much harder.

To anyone reading this, please hang in there. It will happen!

15 weeks - bigger and better

So the complications are mostly resolved and I am feeling SO much better. I am also bigger, and bigger as the days go on. I am clearly going to be ENORMOUS! But what can I say? I feel very lucky.

12+ weeks - but things are complicated

So there's a complication with this pregnancy. We've known about it all along and hoped that it would resolve but it's actually gotten worse. So I need a procedure this week and it could jeopardize the whole pregnancy.

I am optimistic that everything will be fine, but it's crappy. I am finally feeling better and almost at the end of my first trimester and it would be nice to feel more secure at this point.

Alas, I will continue to take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

10+ weeks - Almost ready to believe

It was a rough few weeks. I mean ROUGH. I was so nauseous, headachey, and tired and generally felt so unwell that I wasn't sure that I could make it. It was terrible. I am starting to feel a bit better and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I am still tentative and weary and just trying to get through the first trimester before I get too excited. I am really starting to show so we are telling some people, but I haven't made and big announcements and probably will hold off until 13 or 14 weeks. I can't wait!

I have a few friends going through IUI and seeing their struggles and stresses is a good reminder for me, not that I need one, of how lucky I am. It may have taken 5 tries this time and twins may not have been the plan, but I am feeling very blessed. Fingers crossed that the next few weeks go by quickly, easily, and with no big issues.

8 weeks

8 weeks pregnant with twins. Whoa. It's crazy even to type those words! I am slowly getting used to the idea of TWO more kids. I am so excited, although I'm feeling like garbage. I can't complain though. I know how luck I am and my cup truly runneth over.

Now the worrying begins. I hope to carry to term. I hope that they are ok. I hope that I'm ok. I hope that we can all go home together.

Hope hope hope. It's what got me to this point and will keep me going. I am so grateful.

seeing double

It's been a few days now and I've had time for the news to sink in. Part of me is over the moon, and part of me is crapping my pants. TWINS! Ack! Having gone through infertility and miscarriages, no matter how unexpected it is, I can't help but feel blessed at the fact that we have two beating hearts. It is still early so we don't know what will happen, but for now, I am gearing up for one hell of a ride!

a heart beats, and so does another one...

ultrasound today. two babies. holy f$ck. this was not the plan. will need time to process.

5.5 weeks pregnant

Assuming that all is well, I am 5.5 weeks pregnant. Until today, I was feeling fine - hungry with sore boobs, and a little bit of insomnia, but nothing terrible. Today, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I slept all morning, and still feel terrible. It is very reassuring, and I hope that it is a good sign that all is well. I was hoping that I wouldn't start feeling tired and lousy until after 6 weeks, but I will take it as it comes if it means that I can have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

Ultrasound in 5 days!

i'm pregnant!

second beta today - 745 (day 15), up from 257 (day 13) - I can't believe it and am so excited. It's better than winning the lottery.

My partner and I compared this to the betas we had when I was first pregnant with my son and it's almost the same. I had 3 follicles so I am a little bit concerned about multiples, but this beta has alleviated some of that. Not that we wouldn't welcome twins if that's what we get, but it would be our preference to have an uncomplicated, low-risk pregnancy and birth and that's just not possible with multiples.

Anyway, for now, we're happy!!!! (And I'm hungry!)

In shock - beta is good!

As excited as I am to have positively peed on 4 sticks, (lines getting darker each time) I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have a lot of anxiety around my beta HCG test, because I've had low HCG before that ultimately resulted in miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. My HCG was 257 at 13dpiui - I was so excited! I looked up the levels I had when I was first pregnant with my son and on day 12 it was 159 and on day 14 it was 472, so I wanted to land somewhere in the middle and was so happy that I did.

I am feeling so relieved, and yet still so worried. The more I let myself believe that this might really happen, the more afraid I get of having my heart broken.

In the meantime, my boobs are sore and sensitive, and my uterus feels full. And I am so hungry all the time and I feel a bit tired in the aft and a lot tired in the evening. All great signs, but still. My fingers are crossed!

Getting my hopes up against my better judgment

So I peed on the stick yesterday morning (9 dpiui) and got a very faint line. I wasn't sure if it was the leftover trigger shot or not, so I peed on another stick last night and compared them. The stick last night had a very clear line almost right away.

For the first time since we started trying for this baby, I got excited!

This morning, I figured there was no point to peeing on another stick but now, I am second-guessing all of it. Do my boobs still hurt? Is the fullness in my uterus changing? So much doubt already. I think I will wait until tomorrow and pee on another stick, or possibly get a less sensitive test today and try that. My fear is that I will go for my beta and hear that the numbers are too low to be viable (I've had that twice). My beta isn't until Thursday and it's only Sunday!

The other concern is the possibility of more than one embryo. I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

I didn't sleep that well (woke up starving and couldn't get back to sleep) so I'm going to take a nap.

9 dpiui - A faint BFP!

I peed on a stick this morning and a very faint line showed up. (First Response '6 days earlier' Test) I know that it might be the HcG trigger, but to be honest, I've had 12 IUIs and have tested at 9 dpiui before, and there's never a line. (There was once, and I have a beautiful son to prove it!) I am trying not to get my hopes up, but what can I say - my hopes are UP.

My boobs are a little sensitive and swollen and I am breaking out like nobody's business. Of course, this could be PMS, but I'm also really weepy, which is more of a pregnancy thing than a PMS thing for me.

We shall see.

If you are reading this, please keep your fingers crossed for me.

8 dpiui - cycle 5 - patience is not my strong suit

Holy crap - could this 2ww take any longer?

I hate progesterone. I find the suppositories gross, and the hormones make me feel crazy. Of course if I needed them I would take them, but if I don't need them, I prefer to skip it. I had my first miscarriage while taking progesterone, so I don't see it as the security blanket that the clinic makes it out to be.

Normally I do natural IUIs (no drugs, sometimes with a trigger) so my RE said I do not need to take progesterone if I have only one or two follicles. This month was not a natural cycle and I triggered with 3 mature follicles, so we had a chat about progesterone. My suggestion was that I come in for a test and the doctor thought it was a great idea! It was kind of annoying to have YET ANOTHER visit to the clinic this month, but better than taking drugs that I don't need.

The good news was that my progesterone looked fine!

My boobs are hurting and my skin is totally broken out, but between the drugs, stress at work and my son waking up every night with a cough, there are a lot of reasons for why my skin is gross! I might test tomorrow, just for fun. We'll see.

Why do so many people keep asking me if we are going to have a second child??

4 dpiui - longest two week wait ever!

Even with all the hope that comes with springtime, and the lovely weather and great things happening in all areas of my life (except for the whole not getting pregnant thing), the two week wait takes forever.

It's been 4 days, which means I can test in 6, but I kind of dread testing because it's always negative, but I always think it's going to be positive, and then I feel stupid for getting my hopes up. And if that's not all annoying enough, THEN I GET MY PERIOD! It's really not fair. Why can't people trying to get pregnant just be exempt from menstruation?

The only nice thing about the 2ww is that I don't have to go to the doctors. EXCEPT I do, because I don't like doing progesterone suppositories (the progesterone makes me a bit moody, and I had my first miscarriage while taking them so that wasn't the problem) so I am going in for a blood test to check that my progesterone is not low. It will just be a fast blood test, but still. Annoying.

I got my visa bill today. The sperm, plus the drugs, plus the acupuncture - ouch! At least I get points of some sort for all of this crap.

I start a new job next week. It's terrible timing if I am pregnant, but I was recruited to this position without applying, and I wasn't in a position to say no because it's a great opportunity. This is the first month that it wouldn't be devastating not to get pregnant, so at least there's that.

Past my bedtime. Hope someone who reads this gets some good news soon!

1 dpiui

So after all kinds of ups and downs this cycle, me and my three follicles went for this month's insemination yesterday. My partner couldn't be there, but what can we do? This was my 12th IUI - as I said to her "I barely need to be there at this point!". Everything was smooth sailing.

I'm really mixed about this month. We are absolutely taking a month or two off after this, so I am already looking forward to that. In a strange turn of events, I have been promoted and will start my new job in a couple of weeks, so it's a bit stressful to think of starting a new job pregnant, and how I would handle that. Anyway, I'm trying to be positive: if the WORST thing that happens to me is that I get promoted AND pregnant, it's not such a bad set of "problems" to have.

I had another acupuncture appointment this evening and it always helps to centre me and to make me feel like it's really going to work.

This two week wait is going to be agonizing!

Day 16 - Thumbs up

All the drugs, my luck, and the acupuncture have all worked and this cycle is salvaged! Follicles were 1.8, 1.8 and 1.9, and my lining is up to 1 cm. Horray! I didn't surge on my own so only one IUI is needed (thank god - 2x sperm and sperm wash is about an extra $1,000) and maybe we really will make a baby this month!

Feeling hopeful and going to bed.

stuck

I am so confused! Yesterday my doctor wanted me to cancel my cycle and humoured me by letting me come in one more day before deciding for sure, and today, a different doctor said everything looks great. What? I feel like a pin cushion, and I am exhausted, but finally there is some hope.

Today my lining was over 8 and the follicles were 1.7 and 1.6 (on the right side) with a bunch of other smaller ones. I had my fourth menopur injection and I'm not crazy about them, but they seem to be doing the trick so I'm continuing to take them. If all goes well, I'll take the HCG trigger tomorrow and inseminate on thurs. It will be slightly complicated if I surge on my own before tomorrow, because we only have one straw of sperm and can't do two inseminations, but whatever. One is better than none!

I am so sleepy. I take my hat off to all the women who take these injectables all month, along with others. It's really, really exhausting. Hopefully it's for a good cause...fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Day 13

Today was not good. I was hoping that yesterday's improvements would continue but it appears that we have "stalled". The doctor said he doesn't like this cycle, but I wanted to try one more day to see if things restart and then decide tomorrow whether or not to cancel.

Anyone out there have a crystal ball?

Day 12

Whether it was the menopur, luck, or the acupuncture, or all three, my lining bounced back to just above 6mm since yesterday's 3.5 debacle. One more shot of menopur today for safe keeping. I can't remember how big the follicles were...there are only two left and they were 1.3 and 1.5.

Here's hoping that tomorrow my lining is above 7 and a follicle is at 1.8 and we can have the IUI with some shred of hope that it is going to work!

Today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday, and just for the record, it sucks that I have to spend both days on the weekend going to the clinic in the morning. My partner and son come too (she likes to be at every appointment and my son loves saying hi to everyone at the clinic) so it's not so bad, but it would be nice to just have nowhere to go once in a while.

I just want it to work.

Cycle 5, Day 11 - officially on drugs

I have the track marks, pill bottle, and now the injection. Am I a junkie or what?

After 4 natural cycles (trigger shot in 3 of them) I decided to go hard or go home. I thought a few tablets won't kill me, so what's the harm?

Day 3 I got my letrazole. I took 4 pills over 4 days and went to the doctor on day 7 to reveal 7 follicles! Since I don't want to be a TLC show, and I want a child not a litter, we agreed that I wouldn't take the last pill and we'd wait to see if/when the follicles started dying off.

I've read the blogs, and appreciate that too many follicles is not a terrible problem to have. But here's the thing: too many is just as bad as too few. It means the cycle will be cancelled, and no baby for me.

So I went on Day 9, and there were four follicles (thank god), lining was at 5, and things were looking good.

Then came day 11. There are still 4 follicles but my lining is 3.5! (Follicles are between 1.1 and 1.3) So in came the menopur shot.

I went to acupuncture that I would normally go to, and I'll go back tomorrow and hope that my estrogen and lining have bounced back.

Here's hoping day 12 is better than day 11.

So much for cycle 4

Four is my lucky number. This was my fourth cycle. (You see where I am going with this) Today I had a hat-trick of disappointment. The stick said "no", I had some spotting, and I had a blood test that was negative. Despite the firm clarity about the outcome of this cycle, I still feel twinges and tenderness that I'm sure are "signs".

In truth, all of this crazymaking are signs that I need to take a break. I started to see lines on the test that weren't there (I checked, and then checked again, and then took it out of the garbage to look at it in different light later in the day, etc), so then I switched to more expensive digital tests that I can't afford, and I feel signs and I convince myself and I google everything and after all of that, I'm not pregnant.

Not pregnant. "NO!" said the test. (There was no exclamation mark, but there may as well have been.)

One more month and then I'm taking a break. We might try some drugs soon because clearly, this ain't working.

Defeated Baby Mamma is going to bed.

day 11

Ok fine. The doctor I don't like was right and I was wrong. The good news is that I like surging on my own, so yesterday when I got the call at noon that I had surged I gave myself the trigger right away and the insemination was this morning. We only have one straw of sperm so today was the only shot. I feel good about it - I got pregnant with my son on a cycle where I surged on my own and did only one insemination. Let's call it an omen!

So the two week wait is on - but let's be honest here. It's a 10 day wait because I'll be peeing on the stick as soon as my eyes open on the first possible test day!

Acupuncture this month was day 6, 11 (IUI day) and 2dpIUI, to assist with implantation. Here's hoping!

another day, another appointment - day 9

We went in today and got the doctor that we do not really like and he had an intern of some sort with him whom I've never met. It was so uncomfortable. What the hell is up with that anyway? Generally, if you are going to be probing my ladyparts, I'd like to know your name. So rude.

Anyhow, follicle was 1.8 with lining at .8 and it was all ideal. The doctor tried to tell me to do the hcg injection and I was not in favour because I know my cycle and I think I won't surge for another couple of days. He argued with me and then I finally had him pull out some old charts to prove that I always ovulate around day 13. He was totally condescending and rude and annoying, but in the end, I said I wanted to wait another day and that was that.

I really think this month is going to work, but if not then we'll be taking a break for a few months. It's just too exhausting and this is four months in a row. So either way, we've got only a few more appointments and then a break!

Back tomorrow for day 10 and then likely insemination two days after that. Fingers and toes crossed...

cycle 4 - day 5

Went for day 3 and had a 1.1 follicle, so I have to go back at day 9 just in case. My lining was .3 which is normal for day 3. There was a weird pause while the doctor reviewed my results and compared them with previous cycles but I don't think it was anything.

This will be our last month for now. If I don't end up pregnant, we'll take a few months off just to rest and let our bank account recover a bit!

It's frustrating, but I'm hanging in.

Three strikes...

Third try, three follicles, no baby. I have theories about why, but at the end of the day, I have no idea why I'm not getting pregnant. The trying is taking its toll on me but I'm hanging in.

For some reason, I feel like next month is going to be the month. I can't really explain why, but I think it's really going to happen.

Fingers continue to stay crossed. Day 1, again.

3 for the price of 1

I am doing an unmedicated cycle, and I have a three mature follicles. Day 12, lining .7, follicles: 1.5, 1.5, 1.6. WTF? We are going away in a couple of days so I had to do the HCG shot to make me surge so that I can have the one insemination before we leave the country. (I'm fairly sure I would have surged today anyway) So it means I'll only need one insemination, which is kind of exciting. (Although we paid for two things of sperm!)

So, three for the price of one. Hopefully one will take!

Round 3

Last month I did not get pregnant.  We did two inseminations - the sperm samples were excellent and everything was perfect.  For some reason, however, it didn't take - not even a little bit.

I was convinced that I was going to get pregnant last month, so when I wasn't, it actually felt like I had lost something.  How weird is that?

We're trying again this month.  I went on in day 3 for the waste-of-time appointment, and since I am still unmedicated I am not going back until day 11.  (no day 7, no day 10)

I am really hoping that this is the month.  I'm going to cross my fingers AND my toes.

Fingers crossed

So on cycle day 10, 11, 12, 13 I went to the clinic (partner and son in tow). Blood test, ultrasound, blood test, ultrasound, etc.  Finally, the surge happened (on a Friday!) so we trekked through a blizzard to get to the clinic for Saturday's insemination, and ended up being convinced to come back for insemination #2 on Sunday.

We have a good feeling about this one!  Had a great acupuncture treatment yesterday and now, the wait is on.

Fingers crossed...

Cycle 2, Day 10

So finally, on Jan 2, my period came it instead of being at the end of a weird non-pregnancy, I was finally on Day 1!  Horray!

We went in on day 3 and everything looked good.  We didn't plan to go in until day 10 but on day 8 I felt some weird cramping so I called the clinic and they had me come in for blood and ultrasound just in case.  (Was no ovulating)  So now we're at the stage where we go every day until go-time.

I had 2 acupuncture treatments and will have another one in a couple of days.  Not as many as last month, but it just gets to be a bit much with all the appointments!

Oh, today I told my doctor that I wouldn't be taking the HCG shot again because it made me feel so sick last month.  He said it would mean that I need two inseminations and when I pointed out that my son was conceived with no HCG and one insemination, his response was "well that was just luck".  Actually, it was me being very lucky and knowing exactly when I surge, so I can time the IUI accordingly.  Ugh.  Doctors are great, but they only know what they know.  I'll go with my instincts thanks very much!  Fingers crossed...

Waiting...

New year's eve - another blood test - another weird result.  With no pregnancy signs and a bit of spotting, I was expecting the test to come back showing less or no HCG.  Instead, the HCG was 8 (up from 7).  This is not a viable pregnancy (not really a pregnancy at all) but I am still in this weird place while I wait for my period, and the final resolution of this almost-pregnancy.  I don't feel like it's a miscarriage, but I think it's all about perspective.

This is not unlike what happened to me before, the time I refer to as my second miscarriage. (HCG got to 35 that time)  Now that I've had a full-term pregnancy, it seems a lot less significant to have a fertilized egg implant but not multiply in my uterus somewhere.  This is so minute and I knew that this was a no-go all along, so I don't really feel that I've lost anything.

To be honest, since it's not going to work out, I am grateful that my body took care of it now rather than letting it carry on and then suffering a later miscarriage.

So I'm waiting for Day 1 again, and hopefully we'll have better luck next time!  On Jan 1, I remain optimistic that we'll ring in 2012 with a new baby here or on the way...