Waiting...

New year's eve - another blood test - another weird result.  With no pregnancy signs and a bit of spotting, I was expecting the test to come back showing less or no HCG.  Instead, the HCG was 8 (up from 7).  This is not a viable pregnancy (not really a pregnancy at all) but I am still in this weird place while I wait for my period, and the final resolution of this almost-pregnancy.  I don't feel like it's a miscarriage, but I think it's all about perspective.

This is not unlike what happened to me before, the time I refer to as my second miscarriage. (HCG got to 35 that time)  Now that I've had a full-term pregnancy, it seems a lot less significant to have a fertilized egg implant but not multiply in my uterus somewhere.  This is so minute and I knew that this was a no-go all along, so I don't really feel that I've lost anything.

To be honest, since it's not going to work out, I am grateful that my body took care of it now rather than letting it carry on and then suffering a later miscarriage.

So I'm waiting for Day 1 again, and hopefully we'll have better luck next time!  On Jan 1, I remain optimistic that we'll ring in 2012 with a new baby here or on the way...