Four is my lucky number. This was my fourth cycle. (You see where I am going with this) Today I had a hat-trick of disappointment. The stick said "no", I had some spotting, and I had a blood test that was negative. Despite the firm clarity about the outcome of this cycle, I still feel twinges and tenderness that I'm sure are "signs".
In truth, all of this crazymaking are signs that I need to take a break. I started to see lines on the test that weren't there (I checked, and then checked again, and then took it out of the garbage to look at it in different light later in the day, etc), so then I switched to more expensive digital tests that I can't afford, and I feel signs and I convince myself and I google everything and after all of that, I'm not pregnant.
Not pregnant. "NO!" said the test. (There was no exclamation mark, but there may as well have been.)
One more month and then I'm taking a break. We might try some drugs soon because clearly, this ain't working.
Defeated Baby Mamma is going to bed.
I'm so sorry that this wasn't your cycle. It sucks and it's horribly disappointing. Time to break out the wine/chocolate/coffee/tequila - pick your poison.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenni. I really appreciate that. I'm onto the next one and had a bad day at the clinic today so this was a really nice boost!
ReplyDelete